A Super Interview: Miss Ertation beats any Dissertation.

Hello readers at Fluff Tuft News! I’m Rachel and I’m new to the team, and I am so excited to present you with my first close-up interaction with a real super!
In this article I will be getting into the nitty-gritty life of Miss Ertation. I’m sure our student readers out there will be very familiar with her, though she has yet to impact the working world with her powers. Miss Ertation is eighteen years old, and has recently moved from her sixth form college to Sheffield University to study Fine Art at undergraduate level. This means she will be studying for three years until she has completed her degree!

Miss Ertation’s alleged powers are to improve the average grades of all students in the nearby vicinity by a maximum of 5%, if she is in range during the entirety of the study done. For example, a student sitting a Fine Art exam next to Miss Ertation would benefit from the full 5%, whereas a student whose library habits half match those of Miss Ertation might see a 2.5% benefit to their coursework. Miss Ertation fully believes in her powers and states this as her reason for moving from her college in Hull to the university in Sheffield.

“I really wanna spread my good luck around the country, so it’s important I make visits to new places to help my fellow students! I also just like sightseeing.” – Miss Ertation stated in one interview last summer.

One Sheffield student said to me, “I’m so excited to have Miss Ertation on our campus! I’m a hard worker anyway, but with Miss Ertation around I’m definitely going to see an increase in my grades! It’s really motivating! She’s really beautiful too.”

The faculty, however, are not quite so believing. I spoke to a Biology Professor who wished to remain unnamed for the purposes of our interview.

“Miss Ertation is either a fraud or a liability. I earned my PhD through many years of hard work, and now you’re telling me that students can improve by a whole half grade, just by having this woman in their lives? Abominable. I, for one, will be a harsher marker this year for knowing she is around.”

The Biology Professor has apparently recounted this statement in a few of his lectures, causing many biology students to swarm around Miss Ertation in the hope of offsetting his cruel marks.

I spoke to Miss Ertation herself to ask her a couple of questions.

I asked, “Miss Ertation, do you have any idea how your powers work? I know a lot of people are curious to know.”

“Well, I’m not sure, but the theory that I give off pheromones that helps students to concentrate seems like a good interpretation. It’s my favourite anyway, I’m basically a big study flower.”

“I like that one too! Some people argue that just knowing you’re around motivates students, and that is your power.”

“It could be, but I don’t believe it to be true. My older sister never used to be great at studying before I was born, then suddenly she started achieving results, which motivated her to actually try harder at school, which in turn helped her get to where she is now!”

“Where is your sister now?”

“She’s CEO of a beauty product manufacturing company, which is great because she always sends me freebies. Shop at Bootsies!”
“Do you think your power affects your own work?”

“I have no idea since I’ve never been without it.”
“How did you decide your name?”

“When I realised I had powers, I wanted to have a super name like all the cool heroes. I heard my teachers talking about their university studies and heard the word ‘dissertation’ which is essentially a huge essay. The name popped into my mind then and there, MISS-ERTATION, because I’m a Miss who helps with your Dissertation. I’ve since realised that the name could be misunderstood for causing students to miss their dissertation deadlines, but Miss Ertation has stuck with some of my fans so I won’t be changing it anytime soon.”

Thank you Miss Ertation! It was lovely talking with you and I hope to see you featured again in our newspaper soon!

 

Rachel Foxer

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