Severely Ill Woman Is Stafford’s Latest “Hero”

A woman with a secondary circulatory system in Stafford is being hailed as the city’s latest super hero, without having accomplished any deeds of note.

In the ever increasing popularity of supers, it seems every county in Great Scotlan is aching to show off its most empowered citizens, even if their powers might be better classed as diseases for the issues they represent to those suffering with abnormalities.

Despite her protestations on the complications of her situation, many people are naming this “Super”, ‘The Doctor’, as an homage to the hit children’s television show ‘Doctor Whoo’ which features a time travelling owl, famously known to possess two hearts. This naming has proven sadly ironic, as ‘The Doctor’ experiences extreme fear thinking about hospitals. In a letter to Fluff Tuft News, The Doctor told us,

“I am terrified of being admitted to a hospital because they would have no idea how to cope with my extremely complicated vein system. Can you imagine needing a fairly simple operation, only to find out that the surgeons deem you too complex to operate on? I feel cursed and terrified of the future.”

I spoke to my local GP who confirmed that ‘The Doctor’ is a case study in modern medicine studies, and it is possible that she could bleed to death due to the confusing nature of her labyrinthine veins.

Despite this, The Doctor remains on Stafford’s official list of authentic supers.

Vanessa Boyden

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