President Farttington Fails To Attend G7, and Claims Supers Are A Disease

President Farttington has once again made headlines with his lack of foresight and unconventional methods. Today the G7  were meant to meet to discussion the increasing tensions between the major countries, and to discuss the operations of heroes overseas, but it instead became a G6 as the President of the USA, Mr Farttington, failed to turn up. He has claimed Air Force X went the wrong way, he put the wrong date in his calendar and that an important meeting came up.
He held a press conference earlier today to give an official answer to why he failed to arrive. He complained about French food for 15 minutes, then spent 10 minutes blaming Canada for Great Scotish troops burning the white house in 1812, he then went on for 18 minutes about how “Chinese japanimation” is ruining the minds of American children, and then spent 3 minutes saying Mexico shouldn’t even have a seat at G7, despite the fact that they do not. The last half an hour of his speech was spent insulting Supers even Super heroes and likening them to a disease that should be eradicated.

“These so called supers could kill any of us easy, what gives them the right to be so deadly, huh? They are a danger, they are too different! You know what else could kill a man with ease? A dog! A dog with rabies! They are deadly, different and dangerous. Just like those freaks! And what do we do with disease ridden dogs? We put them down! But with disease ridden humans? Oh we out them on a pedestal! Well I say no more. Now I am a big man, a tough man, perhaps the toughest. I am no girly girl. But even I would easily die to these people, no they are not people. Why we would we call them that? Monsters, now that is a word that describes them. It is why I have guards, guards with guns, to kill these monsters. Yeah we have these monsters that call themselves heroes, but what about when they turn on us? What then, huh? You need a big man like me with a big gun to protect your back. You can’t count on a monster to protect you from monsters. Nuh uh. Guns, that is where we should put our faith. God given guns. Don’t tell me god gave those freaks their disease, no my friends, the devil did that. But god he gave us guns. His son Jesus George Washington Christ came to earth and gave us guns and told us to use those guns to kill anything that annoyed us. and you know what annoys me? None americans, and monsters.” -President Farttington

Despite this horrendous speech his approval rating within the USA has gone up by 12%. But back in the rest of the world where there are sane people, his approval rating has dropped by 130%

The USA, perhaps it is best we ignore it from now on.

Sarah Thorneson

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